The compared.

In my mind, I am disputed. It's three days to deadline and I am still at a quarter of where I should have been. this post comes at a juncture where I decide the distance from which I shall compare henceforth.

In school, there were prefects and there were perfects. I was neither. This day comes to me as a rather disconnect from my visions of a comparative past. They led lives of discipline and their intelligence dictated their course of events. My life sought solace and richness, I wanted the colours to mean something and today, strangely enough, I feel satisfied.

They aced their skimming tests and were induced into a system of tailored finishes. I on the other hand was left looking beyond my reach and a melancholic tune overwhelmed me everytime. Today, I am confident that I have made a life valuable to my quest, I am not a poet nor a painter. I am what was made of me.

I did not grant myself an option of strict achievement, I only led a belief of appreciation towards the gift of life. I may have been terribly wrong, or I may have tailored a smile for the years to come.

A man should look for what is, not for what he thinks should be. - Albert Einstein.

Endless, atleast that's what I just saw.

Call it my share of the follow the mass movement, or call it my share of being a late adopter, a cautious observer of firm positive reaction before risking being wrong. As long as a cynic lives in me, I may never be that optimist who made changes, for my own and for the ones around me. I have stopped living in the here and now, my snap judgements are at a loss and a living neuroticism has emerged, that I am willing to finally understand and end it.

I gave up confidence, because I knew it did not matter, fame sufficed and it flowed naturally. Here and now, I am a stranger to this life, I am not the creme and neither have I strived for such an honor, although 'uncool' in this country, I'd say spiritual enlightenment is long forgotten and misunderstood here. I guess bad apples are everywhere, and beauty is somehow skin deep for most of it. But the nice people here feel the need to be patrons of the world's problems, they like the all 'superior' beings are confident of their stance, and know it to be the greatest functioning system of people and society. Guess what, We'd take our chances and fail, that way we'd learn.

The idea of success and responsibility are both unsettling to balance, I am stuck between two worlds, distinct, and I guess I have to take the best step forward. Not hope for friends, not hope for happiness and somehow although I would never hope for it, it would come. I guess I'll leave it to fate again, but making an interesting stance with the header of the write-up, One is never satisfied, and runs through making changes and life steps, never once realising that it was always looking forward to it, never waiting for the past to catch up. I sign off, renewed. A deep sense of gratitude for what films can do, all of the above was the effect of cinema, which i never quite understood the first time, but the second time, bought it hook, line and sinker.